JOKES

Taken from http://jokes.xblogger.net

If I know….
A woman awoke during the night, and her husband wasn’t in bed with her. She went downstairs to look for him. She found him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watched as he wiped a tear from his eye and took a sip of his coffee.
“What’s the matter, dear?” she asked. “Why are you down here at this time of night?”The husband looked up from his coffee, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?”“Yes, I do,” she replied.“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?”“Yes, I remember,” says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continues, “Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, ‘Either you marry my daughter, or I’ll send you to prison for 20 years?’”“I remember that, too,” she replied softly.He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, “I would have got out today.”


Fifty years ago..
An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern.The husband leans over and asks his wife, “Do you remember the first time we had Sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made Love to you.”
“Yes,” she says, “I remember it well.” “OK,” he says, “how about taking a stroll round there again and we can do it for old time’s sake?”“Oooooooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea,” she answers.There’s a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, “I’ve got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I’ll just keep an eye on them so there’s no trouble.”
So he follows them.
They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks.Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his trousers.She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, the old man moves in.
Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds. This goes on for about forty minutes!She’s yelling, “Ohhh, God!”He’s hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground.The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn’t know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The policeman, still watching thinks, that was truly amazing, he was going like a train. I’ve got to ask him what his secret is.As the couple passes, he says to them, “That was something else! You must have been having sex for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? You must have had a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of secret?”
The old man says, “Fifty years ago that wasn’t an electric fence.”

Mothers Who Bragged About Their Children
Four Catholic mothers were having coffee together and discussing how wonderful their children are.

The first mother tells her friends, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”
The second Catholic woman chirps, “Well, my son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ‘Your Grace’.”
The third Catholic woman says smugly, “Well, not to put you down, but my son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ‘Your Eminence’.”
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.The first three women give her a subtle “Well…?”She replies, “My son is a handsome, 6′ 2″, hard-bodied, Chippendale’s male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, all the girls say, ‘Oh, my God!’”